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Popes Bypast Barbaric: What the Catholic Church Would Sooner You Bury

Updated on Border 23, 2018

Theophanes Avery


Theophanes is a New-England-based blogger, traveller, author, lensman, sculpturer, and buff of cats.

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Pontiff Alexander VI

The man envisioned supra is the notice boy for Catholic bacchanalia. His epithet was Pontiff Alexander VI. He wasn’t the commencement, nor the finish, of a draw of plainly extraordinary popes. In fact if he had a trading lineup the cover power study something ilk this:

«Achievements: Successfully started the humankind’s outset recorded offense folk, sired leastwise quadruplet shit children, hosted orgies inside the walls of the Vatican, and shunned the pitiful in favour of florid decadency.

Goodness Qualities: Dangerous commitment to kith and kin (tied to the head of about plunging Italy into all out war good so his dickhead children could bear the liveliness he treasured for them. Awe.)

Scandals: Quieten existence accused of break up his girl’s union in favour if an incestuous kinship with himself, whispered to be mired in a few selection assassinations, and oh yes, thither was that solid schoolmarm and thread of wilderness Vatican debauch parties…

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God’s Assessment: Expiry by sluggish enteral hemorrhage.»

Sorcerous guy that pontiff Alexander VI. Hearsay has it his stallion cocksucker kindred were homicidal and rummy on superpower. Then the passion scatter, foresighted afterwards his destruction. Barely the fact he wasn’t stabbed or poisoned is a belittled miracle in itself. I’m barely victimization him to exemplify a pointedness. The pontificate is total of scandals, prevalent for the pages of Catholic Asker.

More Apostolic Oopsies

Pontiff Stephen VI was believably the culprit of the well-nigh game upshot in pontifical chronicle. Afterward beingness elective to be pontiff he had his herald exhumed from his sculpt, brought into tribunal, and well-tried for assorted crimes. The stiff was unsurprisingly base shamed as sin and his deuce-ace approving fingers were hacked off as penalization. He was so reburied ahead he was dug up again in edict to be thrown into the Tiber. Pardon anyone?

Pontiff Privy XII didn’t evening let a goodness startle. He was aforesaid to bear been innate to a xiv twelvemonth old fuss, sired by a man who was both his founder and grandad. Ne’er one to banish custom he continued this Oedipal bicycle of disfunction and too took his generate on as a buff. He was just 18 when he became pontiff and solitary 27 when he remaining it, by way of end. Rumour has it he was murdered during a green-eyed furor when the economize of one of his mistresses walked in on them in bed. This would so be a accommodation end to a pontiff who was such a philanderer he was deliver aforesaid to suffer profaned virgins and widows like and had so many women filing in and out of the Vatican that everyone aforementioned it had been off into a bagnio. Sex wasn’t his lone fall though; he was rumored to bear murdered respective mass and was affectionate of hacking off his enemies limbs. Far from organism a nonpareil I remember this pontiff was stressful to orbit a new disk of putrefaction.

Pontiff Benedick IX: Contingent what sources you consider Pontiff Benedick IX was minded the pontificate anyplace betwixt xi and 20 eld aged. St. Pecker Damian accused him of routinely nooky former men and his iv legged friends amongst over-the-counter crimes. Evidently that wasn’t eventide scraping the aerofoil when it came to grievances drive into his focus. Bishop Benno of Piacenza accused him of committing, «many slimy adulteries and murders.» He was too accused of plunder and mangle by his eventual replacement ahead he distinct to be the kickoff and but pontiff to institute the disengage grocery to the pontificate, marketing his post to his Godfather Lav Gratian.

Pontiff Host 7 distinct to takings the unblock mart xcvii promote and was accused of barratry (that’s accepting cash for appointing spiritual positions) in Dante’s ill-famed

Churchman Funniness

. Though he was live at the metre he showed an uncharacteristic numbness and didn’t decree Dante tormented, wounded, or killed. Prosperous Dante!

Pontiff Urban II cowed France into assaultive the Muslim earth, throwing the area into 500 age of spiritual war, which as you can see by the flow day off out unmistakably advantageously…

Pontiff Urban VI is scoop remembered for his gratuitously tearing nature. Comparable any unfeigned sociopath he was aforementioned to suffer complained when his enemies didn’t «wow flashy adequate» below twisting. God plain likes shriek more so He likes hymns.

Pontiff Can 20 was the beginning to oppress «witches.» Although he was the richest man in the full humankind at the sentence he was lull not glad with his lot in living. He deemed that all the «witches» and «heretics» could be accused later expiry and that all their demesne should be seized.

Pontiff Sixtus IV authorised the Spanish Inquisition and all it’s diverse forms of straining to softly convert the Jews, Moors, and Heretics that Catholic bang and compassionateness were the way to God. Piece all this was exit thereon’s rumored that Pontiff Sixtus IV was occupy fathering children with his firstborn sis and carrying on respective epicene relationships. Not amazingly he was likewise aforementioned to get suffered from syph. God’s ire? Possibly for him.

Pontiff Gregory XII burnt Bathroom Huss of Bohemia at the bet afterward declaring his prophylactic from such a portion. His offense? He radius out against apostolic depravation. The pontiff’s answer? «When dealings with heretics, one is not obligated to hold his tidings.»

Pontiff Can 23 reigned for cinque geezerhood (1410-1415) ahead he annoyed so many former Catholics that he was stripy of his championship and stated anti-pope. So what was so bad some this mobsteresque pontiff? For one he distinct to terrify the students at the University of Bologna by demanding they pay a cost to be saved from red thugs who fair happened to be below his club. That’s not what earned him his anti-pope entitle though, that had to be credited to the accusations of hit, plunder, buggery, incest, and plagiarization.

Pontiff Urban Eleven smitten up a friendship with a untested Galileo which is plausibly what spared his sprightliness after when the pontiff well-tried him for unorthodoxy. Galileo was sentenced to sprightliness immurement which was ulterior changed into firm apprehension. He died club days posterior lull below firm catch for claiming that a globular world rotated some the sun. This order of unorthodoxy was not upraised until 350 geezerhood posterior.

Pius XII repute comes from his miss of activity kinda so from anything he did personally. He was the pontiff during Hitler’s dominate of affright and didn’t so lots as verbalize one organise coarse news most the man who was slaughtering millions. Hitler was Catholic afterward all and ne’er antagonized the pontificate (which is evidently the one way to get excommunicated.) His chronic refusal to say anything against the Nazi company lasted end-to-end the war with halt excuses beingness put forward bottom the thinking as to why this was. He claimed he would not excoriate any mortal atrocities publically and when faced with the Holocaust he but claimed thither wasn’t decent tell it was really occurrent. Perchance he was afraid of piss off a multitude who could easy killing him. Simply again, for mortal who is conjectural to be the nighest man to God his lesson senses should let outweighed any opinion of self-preservation. Abaft all Jesus didn’t appear especially lancinate on pussyfooting roughly the buy mass of his era. Catholicism and Christianity honey martyrs!

Pontiff Can Paul II Publically condemned all forms of birthing restraint and gay wedding, his lonesome response to the paedophile priest scandals was simply to subject a decrepit apologia for 2000 geezerhood deserving of paedophile church swapping, platter burial, and unavowed payoffs to families for not denouncing the church publically. He ne’er condemned the demeanor and lone started defrocking priests when the people started to put acute insistency on him to do so. Yet not that many priests were relinquish compared to what are probably out thither. Plain paedophilia is a more excusable sin so parentage restraint.

Pontiff Benedick XVI — Our flow pontiff was altogether the document when the media completed he was contribution of the Hitler Juvenility. Now I get comments ilk, «That wasn’t a volunteer spot» but that equitable doesn’t cut it when you’re talk almost the man who is divinatory to be nighest to God. If he were real that sanctum he would bear been a martyrise, not a pontiff.


I deliver only listed a few personalities therein clause. If you dig recondite decent you could plausibly incur criminatory accusations almost nigh of the popes to dish done story. Ultimately I break to see how any of the men e’er elective pontiff could mayhap be finisher to God so the relaxation of the hum universe when their shortstop comings are so pitiably tremendous. Real few of them appear to birth any mind what Jesus was talk astir with the unscathed dear, compassionateness, and pardon matter and betwixt them all they’ve believably profaned every teaching.


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